friendless...

i came to realise that im really friendless. when i just started working, a guy colleague asked me if i have any female friends to intro to him. i said i dont have any female friends. it's not that i dont want to. i'm happy if im able to match my frens up but i just dont have them. as a lesbian i am, i shud have more female friends than male friends. but i have none from both.

a male friend called me last nite, the only person i can call him a friend. and we chatted a while. and complained about me being friendless. he told me what goes around, comes around. for i have been a really bad player. he told me to look all the bad things from the past and mirror it. honestly, i almost wanted to cry. i believe this is y i wanna keep this r'ship i currently having, treasure it, learning from it, live with it...

he told me everything is fate. and just accept whatever is coming to me. i can accept whatever it is. i just dont want to lose this current r'ship. but however, i cant help being upset regarding being friendless. cos i am a human... i still need friends to talk to. i cant be talking about my lesbian things to a guy...

today, sam sent me a text msg at about 12pm asking me if i wanna have drinks. i cant be having drinks with my ex alone. my gf would kill me. so i asked if the others r coming along... she told me she'll arrange everything and will let me know. sam called me at 9pm telling me that the girl that suppose to confirm with sam whether she can fetch me or not didnt get her back. and when sam called that girl, she was already in kl with the others... there i was, staying at home waiting for confirmation... and ended up never even inform me... i dont mind if she cant fetch me. if she tells me that she cant fetch me.

when that male friend of mine told me to mirror it, i was like, have i ever mistreated friends? am i very hard to get along? i thought when u want someone to treat u nice n respect u, firstly, u must treat others nice n respect them... n thats how i treat my frens... and why am i treated the other way round now? is it bcos that i was a player b4 that is why am losing friends? or people refuse to mix around with me?